I conquered the first goal off my bucket list. Colin West: a very good musician. Colin had his appearances but tickets were hard to come by. As an indie artist, he did make the occasional gig but hated the idea of fame. Besides his looks, his music is actually good. The more I listen to his music and read a few press interviews, the more I needed and wanted to meet this man.
I was interested in all the buzz of him being complicated & standoffish, although others described him as warm and caring. I finally made it to the county fair where he was signing autographs and taking some photos.
It took me over 3 months just to find a car in which I could get into, plenty of thought went into researching where he was, and whether other musicians he jammed with would be with him.
Due to my disability, trucks are impossible to get into. I have Cerebral Palsy, a group of muscle disorders that restrict movement. It is a lasting disability, that varies for each individual. As an adult woman asking to borrow my father’s car was embarrassing but needed to be done.
Anyway, I get there and I’m a bit late however, too nervous and a bit too numb to be concerned. I ask if I can see Colin. The woman tells me, “Colin’s booth is closed and the line is long, sorry you can’t.” I looked at my friend and said, “I cannot go back now.”I begin to tell my story to the security guard. He disappears for a moment. Then it happened. Coming from behind the booth, I hear a voice say, “Of course” with certainty.
I see him descend the stairs. Even my friend is surprised by his appearance. She is used to the record label look of coiffed hair and beautiful brown eyes. His scruffy goatee and glasses make me happy, he looks nothing his persona. What unnerved me a bit was that my friend doesn’t park me in the line but right on the center of the floor. Talk about being on display! The one time I didn’t want to be the center of attention I am!
He bends down and leans on the wheelchair handle to steady him, his smooth hands and penetrating gaze momentarily distract me. Colin looks at me not with disdain love or pity just straight in the eye. I don’t look away , for one it’s rude, And secondly I refused. I was going to take in this moment. I feel this energy coming from him that is a quiet confidence, or is it insecurity or arrogance? My head is spinning. Realizing I have to speak, I say “You and your duet partner really saved me with your music, I know it sounds corny and over dramatic.” He agrees with a light smile. He is not rude just truthful when he speaks, in a way that leaves me trying to figure him out.
I try to lighten the mood as more than 100 women are looking at me, so I say “I made that whole thing up.” Crowds roar with laughter, as his face remains expressionless. I’m not deterred or intimidated by him. He comes over to the other side of me to sign his name, and take pictures. I put my arm around him, and as I look at my hand on his shoulder, I realize maybe he does not want it there. So I ask , “Is my arm around you okay with you?”
He says, “Of course it is”with a tone that astounds me with it’s gentleness. We took many photos that day, but my favorite one is our arms around each other, his head close to mine. It’s intoxicating. I realize this just might be the best moment of my almost 35 years on this earth! This was the best decision I’ve ever made…to take a risk. I manage a “thank you” as he gets up to leave. He looks back at me and my friend and separately says you’re welcome. Thanks for the memories, Colin. You truly are a gentleman.
On my way out, my friend tells me the psychic is here, and she really wants to go. Ten bucks, for ten minutes…why not. As I reach the table the psychic introduced herself and began. She spread out the cards and says “Hmmm, interesting…so much.” She says I’ll have a boyfriend soon, she says by next year. I’m excited. She asks if I go to the hospital often. I told her I didn’t, and she responded, “Well You will meet him in a hospital.” She doesn’t say who he is or what profession but that he is a good man, and it’s somebody I’ve known all my life. Quite honestly, I have no idea who that would be since I have zero male friends in the medical profession. She moves on and tells me to take a nice vacation.
In the last 5 minutes of our session I ask her to tell me something about my life on any topic. Wow, wrong move.
The psychic says with a sigh, “How did you like the celebrity?”
I think she is making small talk since it is the last 5 minutes of our session so I say, “He was great, good with the ladies, and I enjoyed him. I had a great time “.
She says in a wispy but rude tone, “He is not that into you.”
I’m confused and taken back, Should I be thinking of the boyfriend she mentioned,or Colin?
“I already know this, I’m just a fan,” I say as I gather my things to leave but little do I know she is not done with this celebrity topic.
“No the celebrity. He is not into you at all and he never will be.”
I say nothing. At this point I’m mortified and angry by her statements. Colin has a steady girlfriend who travels with him. I feel no need to explain this to her, it would make it look like I love a man I do not even know! I am trying to look for my friend who is nowhere to be found.
She keeps going, “You spend much of your of time thinking about this celebrity. He doesn’t think about you at all.”
I have heard enough and I want to run now but being in a wheelchair leaves a captive audience.
Her voice is increasingly harsh but in hushed tones, getting witch like now. “He’ll never love you like you love him …” I finally spat back “Oh really? I was not aware that he loved me at all,you have given me new hope.” She tries not to scream as she says again “He’ll never love… he can’t.” “Lady I’m out of here.I’ve been insulted enough!” I left and didn’t look back.
The next day I felt very insecure, Maybe, I was too aggressive with Colin or maybe that is why the photos did not come out? Maybe I was being punished? Lust is a sin. I am still feeling ashamed. I hear two reports from friends that he was proposed to by a crazed woman on his tour as well as the woman who met him back stage to flash him and give him her phone number. I don’t like to have a disability chip on my shoulder…but I’m not that kind of woman.
My message to Colin and his girlfriend: Have a happy life. My message to the so called psychic: Maybe with my ten bucks you can go get a life! . Friends have asked would I see Colin touring again, “Maybe.” Will I see the psychic again? “Hmm no, I’m just not that into her!!”