Damsel in Depression

As humans, we all are different; we are all wired in a particular way. Even siblings conceived by the same father and mother, who grew up in the same environment can be very different. Just like our DNA that is so distinctive so is the way how we experience life, in a very distinctive (personal) way. We all have different tastes, ideas and way of thinking, and that makes each and every one of us unique.

Depression is one of those conditions that is often generalize when it should not. Depression is a very personal thing. Although the cause of a depression can be a certain event, the core can always be found inside ourselves. (Easier said than done)

Depression is a very extreme condition. It can lead some people to self-destruction while there are others it is simply a way of living. In general, the main goal of life is to be happy. And most people are striving to reach this goal (I am one of them), but that is not the dream of every single person.

There are those who like living in a low mood (a state of depression), and even though I am not one of them, I still can relate. I can understand the comfort and peace of mind that it brings, and I respect that, for, all in all, the only thing that can equal happiness is to be in peace with oneself.

On the other hand, you have those who spend their life trying to escape from depression, sometimes in a very destructive way. I can only imagine how it must feel like. Like slowly drowning and not being able to do nothing about it. I can only imagine the despair. And the fact is that there is no miracle cure. The only thing I can say to the ones in this situation is; “Some of us are meant to be calm lakes, and some of us are meant to be turbulent oceans. Accept your nature and you will find a way to make the best of it”

For most people depression is just a state they go through, caused by certain life events. For these people, I have an advice that is base on my personal experience. “Although that depression seems like a big solid wall you need to tear down so you can get through it, it is not.” “Depression is more like quicksand, the more you fight it, the more you sink.” “The only way to get out of it is by staying still accepting the situation.” “There is no easy way out, but then again something that is fulfilling is always so much better than something that is easy.”

After the stroke I got depressed, (quite logical to get depressed when you realize that you are not going to be able to move at all anymore). I was depressed for a few months before I started the healing process (moving out of depression). It still took me a couple of years to reach a point where I could say that I was totally and utterly not depressed anymore.

It was a slow process, but it was worth it because I have learned so much about myself along that road. I grew stronger and wiser. I became resilient to insignificant matters; I have learned the value of things, and I learned that we all have a choice to make; to survive or to live.

At the end of the day, it is not the nice words that matter, but the hard facts. It is not what you say, but what you do. I have learned that miracles do come out of nothing; they are made out of nothing with faith and believe. It is always your choice, to wait for the air to fill your lungs or to suck it in. Your choice.

Depression is not an easy thing to handle. It could be a psychiatric disorder, countless types of events can cause it. There isn’t any medicine that can cure it. Therapist can help by finding the cause and pointing out some treatments that may help. Still anyone who is depressed and wants to get out of it will have to do it by themselves.

It is natural for us as humans to want to help our friends and loved ones to get better. What we can do to help someone who suffers of depression is, to give them space. Not judging them or putting them under pressure. Listen to them without giving them advice unless they ask for it (one of our weaknesses, to think we know everything better). Just be there for them, so they do not have to feel abandoned and alone.

I am not a doctor. I have not studied the matter of depression. And I am certainly not an expert, but I have been there, and I hope that my life experience can help somebody to make the best out of their life.

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Kati van der Hoeven (Lepistö)
About Kati van der Hoeven (Lepistö) 8 Articles
Kati ”Young achiever of 2014” The Finnish author, blogger Kati van der Hoeven-Lepistö, is the award-winner ´The Finnish young achiever of the year 2014´. The prize was awarded by the junior division of the Chamber of Commerce International Finland. Kati van der Hoeven-Lepistö is a 40-year-old former supermodel, whose career was cut short after an afflicted brain stem infarction in 1995. Kati was 20-years-old at that time, Kati lost the power of movement and the power of speech completely. Only her eyes are working, and she communicates with a letter chart. The grand assemblage of instruments according to van der Hoeven is determination, faith and toughness, these enable her to live a full life. She has helped and encouraged others to cope with being paralyzed and moving forward. Kati is the author of her life experiences in the book ´Blink of an eye´ (only in Finnish), and she is an active blogger. According to the jury van der Hoeven-Lepistö fosters a positive attitude to life, and she has affected thousands of people’s life and attitude towards life by teaching acceptance of diversity and understanding (spiritual growth). The Young Achiever is the world’s most prestigious award, the junior division Chamber of Commerce International Finland to share their field and in his own right performing between 18 and 40 years of Finnish citizens. Competition is the national implementation of international ´The Outstanding Young Person Awards.